"it" just moved
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
