the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
