Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want to walk on stilts...naked
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize