I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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