does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
