i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
