Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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