I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
