I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
