Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
