I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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