You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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