i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
