Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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