I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize