I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
