I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
