The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
