oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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