we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
