she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we're so committed to being not committed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
