HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
