And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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