kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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