just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
