woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
