Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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