I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
