I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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