What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
