david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
