whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
