WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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