Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He passed out mid-signature
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
