u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
