That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
