She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
