So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
