he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
