Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
