Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
