it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I pour the whiskey from now on
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
