guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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