Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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