I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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