yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
