remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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