Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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