Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
