she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
