I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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