kristin has been a bad kristin
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
