If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
