she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
