you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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