very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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