guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
