You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
