I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Text me some of your sweat
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
