but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
