i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
