Can i not drive my cunt home
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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