please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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