my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
