Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
