On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
