we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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