Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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