Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
